


The Costs You Pay

by Callisto_HK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Under Vance's direct orders, Tony was forced to run another top secret undercover operation without telling his teammates. Now that the operation is over, they don't take the news that well./Set in season 9. Rated T for Language./</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You think I enjoy it?" Tony asked exasperatedly.  
  
"Well, to me it doesn't look like you loathe it." McGee shrugged.  
  
"Yes, you keep doing it. We are a team but that does not mean anything to you, no?" Ziva had her hands on her hips, acting like she was the superior one.  
  
Tony looked at Gibbs, expecting him to understand his reasoning; expecting _some_ words of help from his boss. "I was under direct orders, what else could I do?" He said dejectedly when Gibbs didn't try to help him in any ways.  
  
"You could've told me." Gibbs hissed. "You wanna keep doing this, DiNozzo, you can leave my team. I don't need a part-time Senior Field Agent."  
  
Funny how Gibbs only remembered him as the SFA when he wanted to belittle him. The hurt in Tony's eyes was nothing he could hide, but he didn't let it slip into his voice. "I was _not_ a part-time Agent for you. I've worked like crazy the past three months to keep up my work here and finish the other operation and you know it perfectly. Your problem is not with me doing a part-time job for you. You just can't accept the fact that you've been kept out of the loop."  
  
"I'm the Lead Agent here and I should know what the hell is going on with my agents. You're working for _me_ ; you'll let me know when you're leading another life in the meantime. You could've got someone killed." Gibbs wasn't exactly yelling, but the anger in his voice was palpable.  
  
"Not more than any one of you. I was focused." Tony hissed. "I don't get it, I should be the one feeling angry and tired, instead I have to stand here and defend myself. Well, thank you for caring and being worried, I'm fine. The operation ended just well last night. You've got any other problem, talk to the Director. I'll be happy if you could make him understand that I _do not_ like these stealthy shitty undercover jobs. He wants me for something, he should let me decide who to trust." Tony said what he needed to and left the bullpen.  
  
By this time, McGee and Ziva had both fallen silent. They weren't used to see Tony and Gibbs arguing so openly in the middle of the bullpen and if they wanted to be honest, their problem actually was what Tony had mentioned.  
  
They didn't like the idea of being left out. They somehow knew that it wasn't Tony's fault. But they couldn't walk up the stairs and pour out all their anger and rage to the Director. Tony was the only available target. As usual.  
  
But that wasn't all it was; they probably wouldn't have such a hard time accepting this if the Director or the SecNav would choo _se them_ for a secret mission every now and then. But no; it was always Tony. It felt like Tony was a better agent, and even though deep down they knew it was true and knew that Tony was far more experienced, they couldn't suppress the jealousy. And what better way to get rid of it than demean and belittle the said fellow agent?  
  
Gibbs' story was slightly different. Other than being pissed for being kept out of the loop, he was extremely worried. He hated to show it and that was why he was standing there berating his best agent in public.  
  
Oh, he would give the Director a piece of his mind, he wasn't afraid of Vance. But right now, he was too busy imagining several different scenarios of how last night's operation could've gone wrong.  
Tony didn't have the backup Gibbs would approve and he didn't like the idea of losing Tony because of a stupid secret operation. The mission had been important, all right. And man, Tony had once again excelled at it; but why couldn't the Director trust him to know about it? He could've have had Tony's six the way he liked.  
  
And dammit, why did DiNozzo have to be so good at undercover jobs? Or hiding the truth, for that matter! He'd been hiding the truth from them for nearly three months again and none of them had got even suspicious this time.  
  
Put all these little points together and you'd understand why a man like Leroy Jethro Gibbs was so angry.  
  
Tony couldn't understand any of those reasons, though. He didn't even know about them. All he felt was being chastised unfairly for doing his job and he was tired and sick of it.  
  
The whole morning they hadn't said a word to him. Dirty looks were all he'd been receiving. Even Abby was ignoring him, although in her case Tony could feel it was merely an anger being fed by anxiety. She'd come to him once she calmed down.  
  
Ducky, and well Palmer, were the only ones understanding him and they weren't the one working with him directly.  
  
Tony was tired and couldn't get why they were so angry or why they kept treating him like crap. He just realized that he couldn't care anymore; he'd done nothing wrong and if they wanted to stay mad at him, well, let them be.  
  
He already had a killing headache; he didn't need anything else to add to the agonizing pain. If Gibbs wanted him off the team, he could go and talk to the Director. Tony didn't care anymore.  
  
The ringtone of his smartphone brought him back to the present. Answering it, he received two simple phrases that Gibbs growled, sarcastically, before hanging up. "We've got a case, get your ass down here if you're free."  
  
The rest of the day didn't go much better; they were all ignoring Tony most of the times. Gibbs would growl his orders and the others would just come up with snide remarks once in a while.  
  
Tony, to their annoyance seemed totally oblivious. He wouldn't even bother to respond to their comments. It was like he'd given up; he was just doing his job like a robot. Ducky was getting worried. He realized that this time he couldn't step aside and let them work out their differences; so when Gibbs went down to ask about his findings, he cornered the Lead Agent.  
  
"How long are you going to act like a child, Jethro?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Gibbs wanted to avoid the topic as long as possible.  
  
"You know perfectly well what I am referring to; the way you're treating Anthony and ignoring the rather hurtful comments the members of your team are throwing at the dear lad. It's not right and you know it. Don't do something you might regret later."  
  
"What do you have for me, Duck?" Despite everything, Gibbs still chose to ignore the Me's words and concern.  
  
"Jethro." Ducky sounded angry. "Enough with your ridiculous pride. It's about to cost you a good friendship and cause Anthony another great pain. You were worried and I understand it, but this is not the right way to show it. You'll regret it later; I know you."  
  
"Duck." Gibbs warned.  
  
"No, Jethro. Not this time. You're angry with director Vance? Go and let him know. Putting Anthony down constantly won't do anyone any good. I'm afraid, it seems like that Timothy and Ziva are following your example. They think it's alright to treat their teammate like yesterday's garbage. Have you looked at Anthony lately? I mean really look at him. Does he seem alright to you? He looks spent; we don't know much about his operation; but it's obvious that it hasn't been easy. The boy is hurting already; he doesn't need you to add to his pain. How much longer do you think he'll tolerate your behavior? Everyone has their limits, even Anthony can reach them and to me, it doesn't seem long before it happens. Stop it while you have the time."  
  
Gibbs remained silent. He knew Ducky was right, unlike what Ducky thought, he _had_ looked at Tony. He had seen how exhausted his agent looked, he just didn't know how to approach him and he wasn't quite ready to let go of his anger.  
  
Ducky just shook his head, showing how disappointed he was and hoped that his words would have some effects on his old stubborn friend. He wanted to talk to Tony himself, but he thought that he should give Gibbs some time and let him do it first.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a medical degree; so, sorry for any mistakes. I always do some online research before writing things down, but we all know that there are just so many mistakes in what we find online and that's why we see actual doctors instead of consulting the Internet when we're sick or injured!  
> This is merely a fiction, though; so I hope the information that I've found on the Internet is good enough for you to accept the plot.

Solving the case took almost two days and when they all left after finishing their reports they still hadn't solved their own problems.  
  
Monday morning was different, though. The calm weekend had been good for all of them.  
  
Tim and Ziva were clearly less hostile and Gibbs had somehow come to his senses. He'd expected to see Tony in his basement Saturday afternoon and when his SFA didn't show up, Gibbs finally started to realize how his words, or rather their words, after a hard operation like what Tony had dealt with could've hurt the younger man.  
  
The others still didn't know much about the operation; it was classified and now that the case was closed, the Director didn't see any reason why anyone else needed to know about it.  
  
Gibbs had gone further and found out about it and knew how hard and tiring it had been for Tony.  
  
Tony had really worked hard to make sure it would end the right way; he'd professionally hidden his pain and bruises during the operation and he sure deserved some comfort now that everything was over.  
  
Vance had added a formal commendation to Tony's file and was talking about praising him during the agency's annual award ceremony; God knew he deserved it, and not just for this last mission. He'd been one of the best agents in the agency's history, but somehow he'd always been overlooked.  
  
That was not the point, though. The point was that Gibbs had realized that Tony must have been really alone and in need of a good friend and yet they all had turned their backs on him. He was determined to make it up to him; he'd talk to his agent and invite him for a dinner to his house.  
  
Or that was what he thought he'd do. Until half past nine on Monday morning.  
  
Everyone was at their desks expect Tony. They were throwing angry glances towards his desk and had started to growl and quip about him being in another mission.  
  
Cursing under his breath, Gibbs stormed into Vance's office.  
  
"What now?" Vance growled.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Where is who?"  
  
"You know exactly who. DiNozzo. You've sent him to another mission, haven't you?"  
  
"What?" Vance frowned. "No. Even I wouldn't make him go undercover again, so close to the last one. He's not here yet?"  
  
Gibbs cursed himself for not thinking about it sooner. It was too close to the last operation; Tony couldn't have gone to another secret mission.  
  
But where was he, then? Ignoring Vance's stupid question, he walked out of his office. He didn't even care when Vance yelled after him, demanding to be informed when they found DiNozzo.  
  
"McGee, trace DiNozzo's cell. Now." Gibbs barked as he entered the bullpen, his own phone in his hand. He'd tried Tony's number but the call had gone straight to the voicemail.  
  
"Trace it? Why?" McGee asked as he started to triangulate Tony's cellphone.  
  
"We were right then. He is working another undercover operation and this time he had screwed up and _now_ they need our help." Ziva stated inimically.  
  
Gibbs glared at her, wanting her to shut up more than anything. "Did I ask for your opinion, David? Get back to your work."  
  
"Umm. Boss?" McGee called. "I found it, it's... Well, according to his cellphone, Tony is at the University Hospital."  
  
"Hospital?" Ziva exclaimed.  
  
"Dammit." Once again Gibbs cursed as he grabbed his gun and badge and walked towards the elevator, knowing well that the two junior agents were on his heels.  
  
...  
  
"I'm looking for Anthony DiNozzo." Gibbs said even before he could reach the nurses station. The nurse looked up at him and glanced at Ziva and McGee before answering. "And who are you?"  
  
"Special Agent Gibbs. NCIS." Gibbs showed his badge.  
  
"What has he done?"  
  
_'Great. A nosy one._ ' "He's a fellow agent. Where is he?"  
  
"What was his name again?"  
  
"Anthony DiNozzo." Ziva jumped in, feeling that Gibbs was one step away from killing the nurse.  
  
The nurse seemed unfazed, though. She started typing on her computer and then nodded her head. "Yes, he's here."  
  
"I _know_ that he's here. Tell me where I can find him." Gibbs growled.  
  
"Well, I can't tell you that. You're not family. Wait here and I'll page his nurse for you."  
  
"I don't want his goddamn nurse. Where's my agent? What's wrong with him?" Gibbs was reaching for his gun, remembering how it'd worked when he'd threatened the poor microbiologist to get some answers about Tony's pneumonic plague.  
  
The nurse eyed his hand and glared at him. "Be careful what you're doing here and calm down before I ask the security to escort you out. I don't care who you are, I'm already too busy in case you haven't noticed." She indicated to the crowded emergency room. "I don't like Feds, make another wrong move and I'll make sure you won't find your man before midnight."  
  
Tim and Ziva would've gasped and died of shock if they weren't so eager to find some information about Tony. Was a nurse really brave enough to actually threaten Gibbs? They thought about checking the news, pigs were probably flying somewhere.  
  
Without waiting for their reactions, the nurse called a number and talked to someone.  
  
"His nurse will be down shortly. Wait over there." She nodded towards the seats by the elevators. "Next." She called out, showing that she'd not answer any more questions from the Feds.  
  
Gibbs's face was red with rage and he knew that nobody could throw him out, but he didn't want to waste another second, so he just walked away.  
  
A couple of minutes later, a tall brunette left the elevator and looked around. "Are you here for Agent DiNozzo?" She asked Gibbs.  
  
Gibbs nodded and walked to her. "Can you now take me to him?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry. Only family members are allowed. Is any one of you his family?"  
  
"I'm his next of kin. I _am_ allowed to see him."  
  
"Ah, you're Gibbs." She knew him from Tony's file. "I'm Elina and I'm sorry, you're still not allowed."  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Well, Agent DiNozzo, Tony-" She corrected herself, Tony had asked her to call him by his first name. "Is in ICU and his situation is serious. I can't let you in."  
  
"What's wrong with him?" Gibbs asked, momentary forgetting that he wasn't allowed to see his agent.  
  
"Come with me." Elina led them to the elevator. "You can come up and talk to his doctor, only because you're still listed as his next of kin."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You should talk to his doctor."  
  
"Why is he here? What's happened to him?"  
  
"I'm sure Doctor Morris will answer all your questions. I just can say that he's been brought here Saturday morning. He's called 911 himself. Apparently he'd lost consciousness the night before. When our paramedics got to him, he was on the floor of his apartment and in extreme pain. He was aware of his surroundings, though. We asked him if he wanted us to call anyone for him, but he said that he didn't have anyone. He asked us not to call his next of kin and made sure we all knew that. Well, he said he was fine enough to answer the necessary questions and he was right about it. That's why you haven't been informed. This morning he wanted to check himself out, but he collapsed again and-" She paused. "Ah, well, that's all I can tell you, right now."  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	3. Chapter 3

Nobody said anything. The information that the nurse had just given them was too hard to digest.  
  
Tony had been in pain for so long and hadn't called any one of them. A pang of guilt filled their chests. They'd pushed him away and made him believe that they didn't care.  
  
Gibbs wanted to actually punch something; or someone; or himself, if that was possible. He couldn't help blaming himself for the current situation. Tony would probably remove his name as his next of kin, first thing when he got released from here. Why wouldn't he? He'd gone so far as to tell him that he didn't even want Tony on his team if he went behind his back again; and that was for doing his job and saving lives.  
  
Dammit! Ducky had warned him and yet he'd waited too long. By hiding his anxiety behind anger he'd made Tony believe that all he cared about was the job.  
  
Tony should've called him if he was in so much trouble. Instead he'd suffered silently and even asked the staff of the hospital not to call him. Was he that much of a bastard that his long-time friend and teammate didn't know that he could trust him if he was in trouble?  
  
Who was he kidding, after that damn secret operation, he'd done everything to make sure Tony knew he was angry and even though he wasn't exactly mad at Tony, he hadn't done anything to show the younger man that he cared. Of course he'd be standing there right now, feeling like this. He wouldn't have called himself if he were Tony.  
  
They were so deep in thoughts that they didn't realize when Elina left them to call Tony's doctor. It was only when the doctor called Gibbs' name that they realized they were standing in the ICU waiting room.  
  
"Dr. Morris?" Gibbs asked.  
  
"Yes." The man shook Gibbs' hand. "Took you long enough to realize that your agent is missing. Had he been abducted by some terrorists, they'd have had enough time to kill him by now."  
  
_'WOW, everyone in this hospital has got guts.'_ McGee thought to himself.  
  
Gibbs just glared at the doctor.  
  
"Come with me, Mr. Gibbs."  
  
"It's _agent_ Gibbs. And you can talk in front of my other agents. They're Tony's friends."  
  
"Right." The man chuckled humorlessly. "Come with me, please." He insisted heatedly. "I'm only willing to tell you about Tony's situation, because he hasn't removed your name from his forms yet. So come on if you want to know anything."  
  
Gibbs didn't hesitate. Even though he was once again doing something against his own words, he didn't mind it. Tony was more important at that moment. "You a friend of Tony's?" He couldn't help but ask; the doctor was clearly protective of the Senior Field Agent.  
  
"He's a good man." Nodding his head the doctor noted and sighed. "I had a younger brother in low enforcement. Two years ago he got killed in the line of duty. It really hurts me when I see someone like Tony, who risks his life for us on a daily basis, is alone at the end."  
  
Gibbs was actually ashamed; and yes, he was familiar with that particular feeling; he might never show it, but there were a few things that could actually make him feel that way. This was one of those cases. _Wait a second. What had the doctor just said?_  
  
"At the end?" He felt his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Ah, well, bad choice of words. Sorry. His situation is serious but not critical. He's not out of the woods yet but well, I'm not gonna give up on him."  
  
"Just tell me what's wrong with him?"  
  
Morris assessed him carefully for a few seconds. The anxiety in Gibbs' voice seemed genuine. "I'll just get to the point. He's been poisoned. We've managed to stop its course but not before it could affect some of his internal organs. And I've talked to him; no, he didn't know he's been poisoned." He said as he anticipated Gibbs' question. "It's started with headaches and then nausea. He told me that he's been feeling under weather for a couple of days."  
  
_Couple of days? That was how long Tony'd been back from his mission._ Gibbs should've made sure he was fine but instead he'd hurt him more.  
  
"Anyway, according to Tony, Friday night he'd felt worse but wasn't able to do anything. It was finally Saturday morning when he made the 911 call and when they brought him in, we were informed about his situation."  
  
"What's the damage?"  
  
"The poison is finally out of his system, but he's still in pain. There's only so much painkiller we can give him. His kidneys have been affected the most, we had to put him on dialysis, we did it once yesterday and he's going through another one as we speak."  
  
"Dialysis?" Gibbs felt drained. "Are they permanently damaged?"  
  
"We can't be sure. Right now they are not working properly and with his situation, we couldn't risk waiting. His liver and lungs have been also affected and we're keeping a close eye on his heart."  
  
"Is he gonna be alright? Is he going to be able to get back to the field?"  
  
"That's all you can think about, isn't it?" The doctor asked a little angrily.  
  
"His job is his life." Gibbs growled. "You might like him and think that you know him well; but in reality you don't know anything about him. Yes, we had an argument, but I care about him more than anything and I know how he gets if he can't get back to work."  
  
"I can't answer that question, now. We have to wait another couple of days. Do some more tests and see how his body reacts to the meds."  
  
"I need to see him."  
  
"That's not possible."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because he doesn't want any visitors."  
  
"Just tell him I'm here. He'll let me in."  
  
Morris sighed and nodded. "Wait here. I'll talk to him but if you get in there and do something to upset him, I won't even let you come back to the hospital and believe me, I can do that."  
  
"Like I said, you don't know anything about us." Gibbs said coolly. "Go do your job."  
  
A few minutes later Morris walked back. "He'll see you."  
  
A small smug smile sat in the corner of Gibbs' lips. He was worried about Tony and he didn't know how he'd react; he might just yell at him or tell him to get the hell out and never come back, but Gibbs needed to see him; besides Tony wouldn't have let him in if he wanted to ask him out.  
  
Morris walked him to Tony's room. "You can't stay too long. ICU rules."  
  
Gibbs nodded and stopped before entering the room. "I know you're worried for him. Thanks for being there and for caring." It wasn't like him to thank a doctor and Gibbs didn't really like this particular one, but this man had been there for Tony and that was the thing that mattered.  
  
"Didn't do it for you." Aaid Morris and walked away. He didn't like Gibbs, either.  
  
...  
  
Tony was lying in a bed; the oxygen mask was helping him to breathe. The lines of pain were obvious on his usual smiling face. He was still receiving dialysis and his heart monitor was showing an irregular rhythm. Even Gibbs could say that his agent's heart rate wasn't normal.  
  
"You come to make sure I'm not going behind your back again?" Tony's weak voice caught Gibbs' attention and he saw that his agent had removed the oxygen mask.  
  
Sarcasm, that seemed just fair; and definitely like Tony.  
  
Gibbs walked towards Tony's bed and gently slapped him on the top of his head. "Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you let them inform me?" Gibbs knew the answer but he needed to ask so he could show that he cared.  
  
"Wasn't related to work; no reason to bother you." Tony stated bitterly. "Didn't intend to skip work today."  
  
That got him another slap. "Work is not everything."  
  
"Somehow that doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth." Tony frowned when pain rushed through his body again.  
  
"Can't they give you something for your pain?"  
  
"What are you doing here?" Tony didn't feel like having a chitchat.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"I don't feel like thinking and honestly, I don't care that much. But you better go. You'll be needed in the office."  
  
"Tim and Ziva are here, too. They're worried for you."  
  
"Right." Tony closed his eyes.  
  
"I think they regret their words and action." Gibbs declared. "So do I. We weren't fair to you."  
  
"Huh, if I knew all I needed to do to prove my point was being hospitalized, I wouldn't have wasted my breath arguing."  
  
"Fair enough." Gibbs muttered. "You're gonna be fine."  
  
"Not up to you."  
  
Okay, Tony was angry. More like pissed; really really pissed.  
  
"Listen to me, DiNozzo. You'll fight this and you'll get your ass back to work soon. You hear me?"  
  
"Even you can't order a damaged kidney to heal." Tony said wryly.  
  
"No, but _you_ can." Gibbs said firmly, then softened his tone and added, "It's your body and you've proven before that you can beat the odds. You can do that again."  
  
"You're going soft. You alright? You better see a doctor while you're here." Tony quipped.  
  
"I wasn't mad at you." Gibbs pointed out, knowing what Tony's problem was. "I was concerned but I knew it wasn't your fault. You should know by now that it's not easy for me to show my feelings."  
  
"You're pretty good at showing anger."  
  
"Other than anger."  
  
"Disgust and frustration."  
  
"Fine. Positive feelings." Gibbs gave up.  
  
Tony smiled. "Gibbs, I don't like it any more than you. I don't enjoy-" He was interrupted when his breath suddenly caught in his chest and he started coughing. With some difficulty he finally got his breathing back under control. The whole time Gibbs just stood there, not knowing what to do since there were tons of wires and tubes attached to Tony's body.  
  
"I don't enjoy working 24/7." Tony wheezed." I argued with Vance, but I was ordered to do it secretly. I couldn't tell you and I couldn't just walk away. That mission was important; I couldn't just turn my back on it."  
  
"I know. I've always known. I made sure Vance knows how I felt, though."

The younger man sighed with frustration. "Yet, you felt like I could do with a dressing-down in the middle of the bullpen."

Gibbs nodded contritely. "Not my brightest idea."  
  
"Seriously, is everyone alright? You almost sound like when Kate died. Or maybe I'm dying."  
  
Another head slap.  
  
"Don't you think I'm miserable enough?" Tony whined. "I don't need a headache above everything else."  
  
"You're gonna be fine. Are you up for some visitors?"  
  
"I'm tired, Gibbs."  
  
His boss nodded. "Alright then. Get some rest. I'll be back soon. I have to make some arrangements. Ducky and Abby don't know anything yet, I gotta tell them, too."  
  
Tony closed his eyes and sighed.  
  
"Nobody will be here if you don't want. Just concentrate on getting better." hHe patted Tony's shoulder and walked out.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	4. Chapter 4

Tony couldn't remember when and where he'd been poisoned; or how had that happened to him! He'd been thinking about it so much that his mind automatically would go to the last night of his mission whenever there was nothing else to think about.  
  
His dreams were haunted by either his teammates' last words or the last night of his mission.  
  
This time it was that last night he was dreaming about.  
  
Again, everything was happening just as they had happened in reality. He'd gone through it hundred times the last few days; trying to figure out how could things go so wrong so fast.  
  
He thought that he'd walked out of this one pretty unscathed. Even though his backup had screwed up the last night, he'd managed to wrap up the case before things got out of hand.  
  
Apparently it'd been just wishful thinking!  
  
He hadn't seen anything different in his dreams. They always went the same way, their dinner; the abandoned airport; the firefight; the chaos; him being almost shot in the head; and finally bringing down James, the main target, and letting the backup team inside to bring the situation under control.  
Everyone had been arrested and with the amount of evidence that his ' _just-every-now-and-then-useful'_ backup and he had gathered, they were going to be sentenced for life.  
  
Even in his dream, Tony knew that this was the end; he'd seen it so many times that he knew it was the time he started dreaming about either Ziva and Tim's hurtful words, or Gibbs' death glares. Of course, there was a chance he could wake up; but either way, the dream about his mission was over.  
  
It didn't go that way this time, though. Something was different.  
  
Instead of what he thought would happen next in his dream, his subconscious mind went back to the last dinner he had with James and a few other team members. That was when his backup had screwed up.  
  
He had acted like a rookie and started to talk with a beat cop while throwing glances towards James and Tony. The worst part was that he'd apparently said something about their operation to the cop, because then the cop had nodded towards Tony knowingly and smiled.  
  
Later, Tony had given him a piece of his mind and had made sure that he'd pay for such a big mistake.  
  
That was beside the point, though. The important thing was that James, of course to Tony's luck, had seen the gesture and even though Tony had beaten him to it by asking questions about that gesture and acting like he was uncomfortable being so close to a cop, he knew that somehow his cover was almost blown.  
  
He had been lucky that they'd already planned the shipment of weapons for that night. James would never act without plans, and Tony was sure that he had enough time to keep his cover intact and finish the job.  
  
They'd left the restaurant a few minutes after seeing that cop and James had ordered one of his men to get them all some coffee. That must be it. James wasn't one to trust easily and once he felt threatened, he wouldn't hesitate to get rid of the cause; not even if it were his own brother.  
  
He probably had thought about getting rid of Tony with a poisoned coffee. Tony was thankful that they hadn't used a stronger or a faster acting poison, but he knew that it was because James wanted to watch Tony suffer.  
  
James hadn't expected Tony to be so prepared, or he probably would've tried some other way to get rid of him. Faster!  
  
Damn, why hadn't he thought about it sooner? Well, that could be because his mind was too busy processing his plan and trying to bring the operation to an end. He knew that he'd probably get killed that night, he hoped not, but even if it was the case, he was about to bring down James before dying. If he'd died before finishing the job, there was no way they could get James. At least not for the next few years.  
  
And here he thought luck had been on his side for bringing down the whole cartel and surviving at the end.  
  
Why was his dream so clear, anyway? It was like he was awake, thinking about it and remembering, or watching it like one of his movies.  
  
Maybe someone had hypnotized him, trying to find some answers. Maybe he'd found a way to control his dreams; that would be so cool. Maybe the poison had affected his brain. Maybe he was dying. Maybe-  
  
His eyes snapped open.  
  
Blinking a few times, he finally brought his breathing back under control and looked around the room, finding Ducky sitting in a chair by his bedside.  
  
He's been in and out of consciousness for the past few hours. They had taken the dialysis machine away and replaced the oxygen mask with a nasal cannula.  
  
"Anthony." Ducky stood up from his seat and smiled.  
  
"They actually let you stay here?" Tony was surprised.  
  
"They don't seem afraid of Jethro, but somehow he still managed to convince them to let one of us stay by your side."  
  
"I don't need a babysitter." He sounded annoyed.  
  
"Oh, no, you most definitely don't. We need to do this to comfort ourselves."  
  
Tony rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh. Isn't it too boring? Watching me sleep."  
  
"Not really. We can read or think. Thinking actually could be a full time job if you-" He stopped mid-sentence which made Tony frown, it wasn't like Ducky to stop abruptly. "He cares."  
  
"Pardon me?" Tony blinked. Had he missed something there?  
  
"Jethro. He cares." The old ME repeated. "We all do; even Tim and Ziva. They just are terrible at showing it. Well, Jethro is. The others are just young; they always let their negative feelings cover the positive ones. Jealousy could be the most obvious one."  
  
"Jealousy?" Tony couldn't believe his ears.  
  
"Of course, my dear boy. Haven't you noticed? They indeed are mad because they can never excel at undercover work the way you do and they find it infuriating."  
  
Tony blinked in confusion.  
  
"I see that you haven't realized the reason behind their anger. Try to understand them. They're younger and less experienced; they like to think that you are all equal. They don't expect to be at the same level as Jethro, but you're a different story. You're young and you like to act juvenile. They have seen a lot but they haven't been in low enforcement as long as you and you used to be a cop. You've seen things that they have yet to even imagine. Even our dear Ziva who's grown up in a rather difficult situation doesn't have the needed experience."  
  
"So you're telling me that they hate me because I'm more experienced?"  
  
"Oh no. Absolutely not. They do not have such feelings towards you, Anthony. They're deeply concerned for your well-being and I can assure you that they regret their actions. I'm just telling you that it hurts them to see how better you are while you keep acting like it's so easy to be the Senior Agent and nothing is more important than having some fun. People are different,my dear boy. Some can't deal with their feelings properly."  
  
Tony's eyes darted to the ceiling. It actually made sense. "What should I do, then?" He looked back at the old ME.  
  
"You? Nothing. Other than being more patient, of course. They have to grow up and learn things on their own. You shouldn't change yourself. Those who really know you know that it's your defense mechanism to hide behind your very masks."  
  
"I don't do such a thing." Tony protested.  
  
Ducky just looked at him and smiled.  
  
Tony rolled his eyes. "That still sounds weird. I can't do what McGee does with computers in hundred years, that doesn't mean I should treat him like crap."  
  
"You're the Senior Agent for more than one reason, Anthony."  
  
"If Gibbs was here, he would've scolded you for feeding my ego so much."  
  
"I'm just stating the facts."  
  
"Thanks, I guess." Tony sighed.  
  
"You should rest, my dear boy. Jethro will be by shortly. Be patient with him."  
  
"I've worked with the man for 11 years, Ducky. I _am_ patient with him."  
  
Ducky chuckled. "That's true. I just hope you haven't reached your limits."  
  
"I'm no saint, myself and he's patient with me. I can manage for a while longer, I guess."  
  
"That's good news indeed. You should know that you're truly needed."  
  
...  
  
The next two days passed almost the same; without the pointed conversations, obviously. But Ducky and Gibbs were by Tony's side whenever they found the time and they'd managed to keep the rest of the team away.  
  
That meant Tim and Ziva, of course. They couldn't keep Abby away even if they tried. She went to the hospital right after Ducky was back and had let Tony know that she'd just been worried. Tony surely knew that and hadn't held any grudge against her.  
  
Gibbs had to literally drag her away from Tony after 3 hours. The sick man needed to rest and with Abby around it was usually a hard task.  
  
Gibbs believed that it was a good thing to keep Ziva and Tim away as long as possible; they needed to think about their actions towards their teammate. Ducky had once again talked to him and he was kinda angry that he hadn't seen why Tim and Ziva were so mean to Tony after his operation.  
  
He'd broken one of his rules and assumed that their anger had been a way to hide their concern, just like with him and Abby. But after his talk with Ducky and looking deeper into things, he'd realized that once again the old doctor was right.  
  
He couldn't possibly understand why they could think that they were at the same level as Tony. Experience was an important aspect of their job and although they were both very good agents, they still had a very long way to go to get where Tony was.  
  
They were very good in their own fields, though. That was why they worked as a team; they weren't supposed to be good at every aspect. No human being was perfect. So why would they expect it? They had their own abilities and Tony had his own. They simply weren't talented in some fields.  
  
So now he was deliberately keeping them in the dark, letting them struggle with their guilt for a while.  
  
Tony had been moved to a regular room in the nephrology ward, since his kidneys were the most worrisome problem. Doctor Morris was optimist that his liver, lungs and heart hadn't been permanently damaged and his nephrologist was pretty sure that his kidneys were going to get better with time. He just needed to be more careful. Tony had accepted to meet his teammates and now that he wasn't in the intensive care unit anymore, they didn't have to leave soon or be extra careful with the patient.  
  
...  
  
McGee and Ziva went alone to visit Tony; they were a little unsure but wanted to see him to straighten things out.  
  
"Hey, come on in." Tony smiled and waved them in, he was a little uncomfortable himself, but they were his teammates and Ducky's words were still ringing in his ears.  
  
"Hey Tony. How are you feeling?" Ziva asked.  
  
"Better."  
  
"Good." McGee said as they both smiled. "We wanted to come sooner, but well... Well, um... Actually we did, they just-"  
  
"Don't sweat it, Tim. I know."  
  
McGee sighed with relief.  
  
"Why did you not call us when you felt sick?" Ziva asked out of the blue.  
  
McGee's eyes widened at that question. They both knew why Tony hadn't called them and knew they were to blame.  
  
Tony raised an eyebrow but decided to play dirty if that was what they wanted. "Didn't see any reason to bother my coworkers for some personal problems."  
  
They both visibly cringed. Coworkers; they were just coworkers. "Is that what we are to you? Just your coworkers?"  
  
"Aren't you?"  
  
"We're sorry." McGee jumped in before Ziva could make things any worse.  
  
"No you're not. You'd do exactly the same thing if I accept another undercover mission."  
  
Tim looked away.  
  
Ziva sighed. "We are sorry, Tony. It was not right to act that way, it is just that... Well, we are a team; we do not like to be kept in the dark."  
  
"Right, that's why you were so mad. Or like you always act as a team! The term gets important whenever it suits you."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ziva asked as McGee opened his mouth and asked another question at the same time. "What other reason could we have?"  
  
"I don't know, didn't you possibly think that you were better than me, so why should it always be me doing those jobs?" Tony answered Tim's question, ignoring Ziva's. He was sure that she perfectly knew what he meant.  
  
Both his teammates were shocked at the very least. They knew that Tony was right and it was the real reason, they would never admit it aloud, though; not even to themselves.  
  
"You both are great agents, why you don't see it is beyond me. Or maybe you just can't see me being a good agent, as well. I don't know." Tony shrugged. "We're a team, as you just mentioned Ziva, we're supposed to have different skills to be successful." He noted. "If we were all good at everything, what would be the point of working together? I'm sure if some computer stuff comes up, neither the Director nor Gibbs would even think about me. The only person they'll think about will be you, Tim."  
  
McGee's face reddened slightly. He decided to use one of the senior agent's escape routes and turn everything to a joke. "Didn't know you could talk so well."  
  
Tony didn't let him escape, though. "I actually can negotiate fairly well. Unlike what you think, I'm not the Senior Field Agent because I've worked with Gibbs longer than you two. Yes, I'm more experienced, but I'm also great in my own field. It's your problem if you can't see or accept it after so many years working with me."  
  
An awkward silence filled the room and for once Tony didn't want or try to lighten the mood. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.  
  
"Maybe we should leave." Ziva offered.  
  
Tony opened his eyes and swallowed before smiling faintly at them. "I'm not gonna be a good company right now."  
  
"You feeling alright?" McGee asked.  
  
The genuine concern in Tim's voice and Ziva's eyes touched Tony's soul. He would've let them off the hook at that moment if he'd enough energy to talk.  
  
But he was feeling really weird all of a sudden. It felt like he was in a bubble. He felt so cold and so hot at the same time and the sounds around him faded away.  
  
Although his eyes were open, he couldn't say what was really happening. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion but he could see Ziva reaching for the buzzer to inform the nurses as McGee suddenly appeared on his side. His lips were moving but Tony couldn't put the sounds together and catch the words, they were elongated and garbled.  
  
The nurses arrived some moments, or maybe minutes, later and pushed Tim and Ziva away. Tony tried to follow them with his eyes, but his eyelids were suddenly too heavy; they closed against his will and he didn't see the horror on his friends' faces as the shrill sound of an alarm filled the room and the Electrocardiogram monitor showed a long horizontal line.  
  
And Anthony DiNozzo's heart stopped just like that. Without any warning.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! It was just one day, though; not too bad, right?!

McGee and Ziva couldn't believe their eyes; Tony had seemed fine just a few minutes ago, a little pale maybe, but fine nevertheless.  
  
He'd been able to talk for a long time without any problem; there were no coughs or any other kind of interruption; and now their friend was practically dead. Nurses and doctors were working on him frantically, trying to bring him back and revive his heart.  
  
Was their conversation the cause? Had it been too soon to talk about something that sensitive? Could this be prevented?  
  
Those were the thoughts that wouldn't leave them while they stood aside and watched as the team of doctors and nurses tried to resuscitate Tony. They didn't know what Tony had experienced just before crashing, but if they did, they'd think that it was almost like what they were feeling at that moment. Voices were far away and the only thing they could hear loud and clear was the annoying unwavering noise that Tony's heart monitor was making.  
  
...  
  
"Gibbs." He answered his phone without looking at the screen.  
  
"Boss! I... er, we... You-"  
  
"Sometime today, McGee." Gibbs barked.  
  
Tim took a deep breath and quickly said "I think you should come to the hospital."  
  
"What?" Gibbs jumped up from his seat. "Why? What's wrong?"  
  
"It's Tony."  
  
"Well, yes McGee. I know you and Ziva are not sick. What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Right. Er, it's... He-"  
  
"Tim." Gibbs' shout literally startled him, like he'd been slapped.  
  
"He just flatlined."  
  
"He did what?"  
  
For a second McGee regretted telling the truth without any preamble; it sounded like Gibbs was behind the wheel now and considering his driving, the last thing he needed was some bad news like that. Not to mention that the others sure didn't need another teammate in the hospital.  
  
"Is he -"  
  
"He's back." McGee answered quickly, not wanting to keep the Team Leader waiting. "But they had to move him back to the ICU."  
  
"I'll be there in 5 minutes."  
  
And the line went dead.  
  
Gibbs was there less than 5 minutes later and McGee didn't even want to think about how.  
  
He just rushed to the ICU and went straight to the nurse station. They all knew him by then.  
  
"Agent Gibbs, Doctor Morris is with Tony; I'll let him know you're here. Wait here please."  
  
Gibbs turned to Ziva and McGee, silently ordering them to talk.  
  
"We do not know what happened." Ziva started. "One second he was talking to us, the next all the color left his face and then he was- he was-" she searched for the right word.  
  
"Coding." McGee helped. "Honestly, we didn't do anything."  
  
Gibbs' eyes softened. "I didn't think it was your fault." He said. "Any news? How long did it take them to bring him back?"  
  
"Umm, not sure. It... It felt like hours, but I'm sure it didn't really take that long."  
  
"Two minutes." A voice answered and they all turned and saw Doctor Morris approaching them. "He's really lucky; the chances of bringing a patient back from asystole are always slim."  
  
"How's he? What happened?" Gibbs glared at the younger man. "I thought you said he was out of the wood; that the poison hasn't affected his heart."  
  
"It can be really tricky." Morris justified. "He's doing better now, but we won't risk it again. We'll keep him here and monitor his condition closely for a few more days. A cardiologist has been called in and soon will be here to take a look at his case. He's one of the best doctors we have here."  
  
"Is he conscious? Can I see him?"  
  
"Not at this moment. They are running some more tests, but you can wait here and go see him as soon as they're done."  
  
"I suppose you can't tell us if he'll be fine or not."  
  
"No, I'm sorry, it's impossible at this moment. His kidneys are showing some improvement and we were about to change his meds, but as you know things took a dramatic turn for the worse and now our main concern is his heart. I have to be honest with you; the odds are against a full recovery. He probably is gonna have to change his lifestyle and job."  
  
"You don't know him." Gibbs insisted for the umpteenth time since he'd met the young doctor.  
  
"I hope you're right. We'll do everything we can for him. You better worry about your own part." He retorted and walked away.  
  
"You two do not like each other, no?" Ziva asked, raising her eyebrows ironically.  
  
"He likes to think that he cares about DiNozzo more than us." Gibbs growled and walked up the corridor to be closer to Tony's room. "You two get back to the navy yard; I'll let you know if there are any changes."  
  
...  
  
An hour later Gibbs was sitting by his ailing friend's side, waiting for him to wake up whenTony finally started to stir.  
  
"About time." The older man mover forward.  
  
"Hmm?" Tony blinked.  
  
"You've been out for a good two hours now."  
  
_'Well, that's what I'm supposed to do while resting in a hospital, isn't it?'_ Tony's mind was still not clear. "Why am I back to the ICU?" That was the first thing Tony noticed clearly.  
  
"You pulled a stupid stunt; they brought you back to teach you some lessons."  
  
"Right. What kind of stunt?" He couldn't remember anything.  
  
"A flatlining kind of stunt." Gibbs informed sullenly.  
  
"A what?" Tony's eyes widened with fear. "But-" He was shocked. "They said my heart hasn't been affected." His heart rate increased.  
  
"Calm down, before hurting yourself any further." Gibbs ordered. "Apparently it's a tricky thing. Not my word, your doctor's." He quoted.  
  
"That-... Does that-" He swallowed hard. "Is it-"  
  
"No." Gibbs knew perfectly well what was scaring his agent so bad. "I told you before. You're gonna be fine and you'll come back to the team and to the field. This discussion is over."  
  
Tony nodded but somehow he didn't look convinced.  
  
"You. Will. Be. Fine." Gibbs repeated slowly but firmly.  
  
This time Tony smiled wryly and nodded. "Sure." He could hide his feelings, even from Gibbs, if he wanted to.  
  
"Good, I gotta get back to the office; you better don't do anything stupid again. I can't afford the bills."  
  
"What bills?"  
  
"What do you think they do when they see me driving like that down the streets?"  
  
"Ah, come on, Gibbs. You always drive like that. They're used to your driving by now."  
  
"You'll pay the bills." He announced before turning around to hide his smirk and reluctantly left his agent to get back to the office.  
  
Tony stared at his - _former?_ \- boss' back a few more seconds before turning his gaze to the ceiling. He was scared and almost sure that his time as a field agent was over.  
  
_That could be good for everyone_ ; he thought bitterly.  
  
He'd been the target of snide remarks his whole life, but recently they hurt more. Maybe because he was getting older and needed something constant in his life; wanted someone to understand him and accept him the way he was. Or maybe the remarks were getting more hurtful!  
  
Recently it was getting harder to hide his hurt feelings and control his anger. Maybe it was for the greater good if he changed his job.  
  
But what could he do if he left NCIS? He'd become a cop to make a difference, to do something that would matter; it was his life; what was he supposed to do if he left it?  
  
He frowned and bit his bottom lip in order to keep his composure; closing his eyes, he let his mind wander to all the other things he could do if he wasn't a Federal Agent. It didn't matter if he liked it or not; he could end up with no other options than changing his lifestyle. It wasn't his first time and he wasn't about to let it ruin his life; he still could make some differences, it was just the way that had to change.  
  
...  
  
Gibbs left the hospital; he had to, but that didn't mean he could wipe the image of Tony, lying in a hospital bed, from his mind; the despair he'd seen in his eyes; the fear and the damn resignation weren't things he could forget any time soon.  
  
This last mission had cost him dearly, physically and emotionally.  
  
He wanted to stay by Tony's side to reassure him and to make sure he was fine. But he couldn't; not just because he still had work to do; it was more because it wasn't like him to stop working altogether and stay in the hospital just because one of his men was down. Especially not now.  
  
He knew Tony too well; Tony would think that Gibbs not leaving his side meant that he was sicker than anyone was telling him and he wasn't going to be fine to get back to work.  
  
Gibbs didn't need that; he would go back to the hospital when the working hour was over and he'd stay there. That way Tony couldn't complain and wouldn't feel like he'd been pitied. Gibbs had done this before.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	6. Chapter 6

Gibbs kept going back to the hospital every night for almost one week. The first two nights it was to the ICU and then again to the regular ward.  
  
It was the seventh night that when he got to the hospital, he found his agent's bed occupied by someone else. His heart started to beat faster as the worst case scenarios popped into to his head. Turning around, he went straight to nurses' station and asked if Tony had been once again moved to the ICU, but to his shock they said that he'd been discharged.  
  
_The stubborn pigheaded stupid man!_ He had been released and hadn't said a word to him or anyone else for that matter.  
  
Wasn't the last ten days enough to show Tony that he was sorry and that he'd be there for his friend? Apparently not.

Well, he couldn't exactly blame Tony. No, he knew how Tony looked at everything and he knew why he was like that. For someone like Tony who'd grown up almost by himself and had been always overlooked or disappointed by the others, it wasn't easy to trust people completely or to rely on anyone, and if you break his trust, it'd be even harder to regain it.  
  
He'd do anything for you without asking for anything in return; hell, he'd give his life for you without thinking twice, but he wouldn't really trust you with his personal problems.  
  
Gibbs knew that deep down Tony was scared of being disappointed again and was actually always waiting for it to happen; like it was inevitable. DiNozzo Sr. had made him feel that way forever. Tony loved his old man, but he still wouldn't trust him or call him if he needed anything.  
  
And now, it seemed like they had finished what DiNozzo Sr. had started years ago. They'd disappointed Tony just like he'd always thought they would; it seemed like a rule now: _'Don't rely on anyone; they will always end up letting you down.'_  
  
He didn't realize how he got to Tony's place; he just knew that he was standing behind his apartment's closed door, knocking and waiting for the door to open.  
  
"Boss." Tony greeted, sounding a little surprised.  
  
Gibbs really wanted to reach and give him a head slap, but refrained from it. "How long did you know you were going to be released today?"  
  
"Um, since yesterday?"  
  
"And you didn't mention it to me because?" Gibbs pushed past the younger man and entered his apartment.  
  
"Boss, you have got work to do. I didn't check myself out. I was released officially, which means I'm perfectly capable of taking care of things on my own."  
  
"It doesn't mean you have to be alone." Gibbs sat on the couch. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fine. Beer?"  
  
"You allowed to drink?"  
  
"Not for me, for you."  
  
"Yes then."  
  
Tony went into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of beer.  
  
"What did your doctor say?" Gibbs asked as he took the beer from Tony's hand.  
  
"You mean to tell me that you haven't interrogated him before coming here?"  
  
"Don't know how I left the hospital and drove to here." The older man confessed truthfully.  
  
Tony chuckled. "Well, let's hope you haven't hit anyone on your way, then."  
  
Gibbs glared at him. "I know how to drive."  
  
"That's why I'm worried." Tony grinned.  
  
"DiNozzo. What did your doctor say?" To Gibbs it seemed like Tony was avoiding that topic deliberately and that worried Gibbs.  
  
"Uh-... Well." He paused. "I'm not ready to get back to work. Not even for desk duty."  
  
"Then why did they release you?"  
  
"Because there wasn't anything else they could do for me in the hospital. I should take my meds and do just light activities; stay in bed a lot and go to the hospital every couple of days for regular checkups."  
  
Gibbs nodded. "When will we know for sure?"  
  
_'We!'_ Tony felt all warm inside. He didn't want to be too open again; he didn't want to get hurt again, but couldn't help but feel wanted when Gibbs talked like that. It was admittedly nice.  
  
He smiled. "Another couple of weeks, I guess. I... I-" He swallowed, he'd been thinking a lot lately and had made some decisions, but didn't know how to break that news to Gibbs. "I don't wanna-"  
  
"DiNozzo." Gibbs pushed.  
  
Tony took a deep breath and looked his boss in the eyes. "I don't wanna come back to work if it's just for desk duty."  
  
Gibbs felt a shiver ran down his spine. That was what he'd been afraid of.  
  
He couldn't make Tony stay because he knew that would be harder for the younger man to sit behind a desk and watch everyone leaving the office to work in the field; but he couldn't bear the idea of working without him, either.  
  
He just looked at Tony and waited.  
  
"Bo- Gibbs, I can't do it and you know why."  
  
"You'll be fine." He said firmly.  
  
"Well, sure. But in case I won't, I... I just wanted you to know."  
  
"What's on your mind, DiNozzo?" Gibbs knew there was more to it than Tony had let out.  
  
Tony shrugged. "Nothing, really."  
  
"You've been thinking about your other options." It wasn't a question." What are they?"  
  
Another shrug. "I don't know. I could... Umm, I could teach at the university. I... Well, actually I've been offered a teaching seat a few months ago."  
  
Gibbs raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous." Tony chuckled; however it was clear that it was forced. He really didn't find it funny at all. "Me, teaching. Geeky stuff." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"That's not funny." Gibbs stopped him. "I just can't imagine working you there. Too boring for you. You need something more dynamic."  
  
"Well, my heart can't take anything more dynamic." Tony snapped, he then took a deep breath and mumbled a ' _sorry_ '.  
  
Gibbs let that go, knowing perfectly well that Tony was under too much pressure. "That's only if you give up. You'll be fine and get back to your own job and then you'll do more secret missions behind our backs, and I'll head slap you for it."  
  
Tony tensed.  
  
"But not for doing your job." Gibbs added quickly, he felt that he'd probably opened up a little too much, but didn't think Tony was in a condition to see it.  
  
"Right, out of affection." For a second the mischievous tone was back in Tony's voice.  
  
Gibbs grinned. "From now on, for whatever mission you accept, I'll be informed." He said, holding up his index finger to stop Tony from protesting." I won't force you to tell me. Vance is gonna do that."  
  
Tony narrowed his eyes. "And he accepted it?" He would die to hear that conversation.  
  
"He knows what's good for him." Gibbs put down his beer. "I'm gonna make sure you've got the right backup. This would've never happened if your six was covered properly."  
  
Tony nodded sadly, he'd been thinking about that nonstop.  
  
"Good thing you'll be alright." Gibbs interrupted his thoughts just in time. "Now, give me a pillow and get back to your bed. You're supposed to rest."  
  
"You are staying?"  
  
"No, DiNozzo. I'm all out of pillows at my place and I thought I could borrow one from you. Of course I'm staying." Gibbs said sarcastically.  
  
"Right." Tony chuckled and walked to the bedroom and came back with a pillow and a blanket. "You don't have to stay, I'll be fine."  
  
"Nobody said you won't be. But I'm not gonna leave you alone. Now get the hell out of my sight."  
  
"It's my apartment, how can I get out of your sight?"  
  
"By returning to your bed and letting me sleep. NOW."  
  
Tony shook his head and wished his boss a goodnight before returning to his own bed.  
  
Gibbs smiled broadly in the now dark living room. He was determined to get Tony back and he wouldn't be able to do so, unless he showed more stubbornness and determination that Tony could gather.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
**... TBC ...**


	7. Chapter 7

By the second week, Tony was used to having Gibbs at his place; the older man had almost moved in with Tony.  
  
It still felt weird; usually he was the one to stay at his Boss' place, but this time Gibbs hadn't said a word; he had just once asked him about it and honestly, Tony'd preferred to stay at his own place, so he'd refused to go to the older's man house. He didn't want to put Gibbs through too much trouble and knew that Gibbs was used to staying up late at night to work on something in his basement, something that he couldn't do in Tony's apartment, but hearing that, Gibbs had slapped him and told him that he could also read. So that conversation had ended then and there. They had never brought it up again.  
  
Now, after two weeks, Gibbs had again left early in the morning and Tony'd sat in his living room, watching news and drinking milk, pretending like it wasn't bothering him that he couldn't accompany his boss.  
  
Today was the day. He was supposed to go for some more tests and see whether he was allowed to get back to his job or not.  
  
The day didn't seem any different; it was completely normal; where in reality it was anything but that. Tony was downright nervous but wouldn't let anyone know it.  
  
A few nights back, Abby and Ducky had showed up at his place with some very healthy food for dinner.  
  
They'd showed a lot of support and Abby had told him that she was planning a party for his returning. He didn't want to hurt her feelings so he'd just smiled, but to tell the truth, it was scaring him even more.  
  
What if he couldn't go back? What if he wasn't fit for returning to the field? His checkups were going well and he was feeling much better; he still had some slight problems and pain in his kidneys and sometimes his heartbeat would accelerate with no obvious reason, but other than that he felt fine. Ducky had told him that there was nothing to worry about, but he'd learned, in early ages, that he shouldn't get his hopes up in any situation. He'd lost many things in his life at the last minute. Wendy could be a good example.  
  
Now, he was getting ready to go to the hospital, or should he say the _court_? That appointment was pretty much going to decide his destiny.  
  
Walking out of his apartment, he found Gibbs leaning against his car, waiting for him.  
  
"Didn't you leave two hours ago?"  
  
Gibbs pushed himself forward. "The office is not in another state; I can get there and come back in less than half an hour."  
  
"With your driving, that would be possible even if the office _was_ in another state."  
  
"Get in the car." The older man growled.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
Gibbs rolled his eyes and get in the car himself without answering Tony's question.  
  
Tony smiled and sat in the passenger seat. "Thanks. But you know that they're not gonna give me a straight answer the moment I get there, right? There will be lots of tests and waiting and they probably wouldn't get the results back till the evening and that's just because Jack Morris _likes_ me."  
  
"I don't like him." Gibbs frowned.  
  
"Well, apparently the feeling is mutual." Tony grinned. "This feeling of dislike doesn't have anything to do with your gut, does it?"  
  
"No. He's too cocky."  
  
"I thought you liked it."  
  
"Not in everyone."  
  
Tony grinned at that which brought a faded smile to Gibbs' face. He was trying to ease the tension and he was almost successful.  
  
Almost.  
  
"Seriously, Gibbs. You don't have to come."  
  
"Slow day at the office." Was Gibbs' answer.  
  
"Well, don't get snappy when you have to wait too long."  
  
"Keep Morris away and everything will be fine."  
  
"We'll see."  
  
...  
  
Gibbs was regretting keeping everyone else away. They had started to literally drive him crazy with their calls. They would find a stupid excuse to call him and at the end they'd ask about Tony's condition.  
  
He knew that they were worried, but how hard was it to understand that they wouldn't have the results back before 16.00?  
  
He'd finally turned his and Tony's phone off. He hadn't given the younger man any explanation when he asked for his phone and turned it off, but he didn't really need to; Tony could easily realize what was going on.  
  
The fact that he hadn't joked about it, showed how preoccupied he was. Finally when he couldn't take it anymore, he'd asked Gibbs to leave him and go back to the office.  
  
Gibbs knew that Tony wanted to be alone in case the results weren't good; he knew that Tony wanted to have some time to collect himself, but Gibbs wasn't about to leave him alone. Tony would get his clean bill of health, but even if he wouldn't, Gibbs wasn't going to let him just accept it and walk away. He could change his hospital and work harder to get back in shape. A negative answer wouldn't mean Tony was doomed and it was Gibbs' job to make sure Tony knew that.  
  
"What the hell is he doing?" Gibbs was standing by the window drinking his coffee when something in the courtyard caught his attention.  
  
Tony got up from his chair and walked towards the window. Looking out, he said, "You can't just leave your investigator self at the office, can you?"  
  
"Can you?" Gibbs retorted. "That boy is stealing money from that woman's purse."  
  
"That's a shame, but we can't do anything about it."  
  
Gibbs turned his gaze to him and frowned.  
  
"Not because it's not our jurisdiction." Tony quickly clarified. "Because we can't yell from here and we can't run all the way down to warn her. By the time we get there the boy will be long gone."  
  
"Dammit." Gibbs cursed.  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Tony?"  
  
They both turned around and found Doctor Morris standing behind them.  
  
"We just witnessed a robbery down in the courtyard. A great security you have." Gibbs mocked.  
  
Morris looked daggers at him. "God, what would we do if we didn't have such devoted cops among us?"  
  
"We're not cops."  
  
"Even better."  
  
Tony coughed to catch their attentions. "Guys, can we postpone this lovely discussion?"  
  
The other two kept glaring at each other, but Morris nodded. "Follow me." He said and was about to turn around when he saw Gibbs squeezing Tony's shoulder and pushing him forward.  
  
"Not you." He added. "Only the patient."  
  
"He's not a patient anymore and I'm his next of kin."  
  
"If he's not a patient, then he doesn't need his next of kin." Morris retorted.  
  
"I feel so wanted." Tony sighed. "In a really awkward way." He rolled his eyes. "Gibbs can come if he wants." It was his call after all.  
  
Gibbs smirked in triumph at Morris and they all went to his office where Tony's cardiologist and nephrologist were waiting.  
  
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, Doctors." Tony greeted. "My friends were busy showing me how popular I am."  
  
They both chuckled at that. By now, almost everyone who knew Tony, knew how Gibbs and Morris couldn't stand each other.  
  
But Tony's comment cheered Gibbs up, too; for a totally different reason, of course. Tony had, subconsciously, called him his friend.  
  
"So? Am I doomed?" Tony asked after an unpleasant pregnant pause.  
  
"Doomed? Even if your results were not convincing, you wouldn't have been doomed." Doctor Cohen, his nephrologist, stated.  
  
"Even if?" Tony asked, his eyes shining. "Does that mean that I'm cleared to get back to work?"  
  
"You just spoiled all the fun." chastised Alec, the cardiologist. "You weren't supposed to let it out so fast."  
  
Tony's face lightened by a wide grin. The first real one after a long time, Gibbs noticed; he couldn't help but smile himself. It was like a burden had been lifted off his shoulder.  
  
"I told you I wouldn't do that to him. Act your age, Man" Cohen shook his head. "But hey, don't get too excited yet." He addressed Tony.  
  
"What does that mean?" Gibbs frowned.  
  
"Well, there are certain conditions. He can't just go back to the field and start running around. His body has been through a lot. And Tony, like it or not, you're not as young as you used to be when you had the plague."  
  
Tony's grin faded away. "You mean... I can't go back to the field?"  
  
"I didn't say 'period'. You just need to give it more time."  
  
Alec nodded. "Your tests results were all good. There's no permanent damage; seems like the meds are doing a fine job and your body is getting back to where it was before you were poisoned. But you still need to finish your meds, especially for your kidneys; your heart is in a better shape."  
  
Tony sighed in relief; he could wait longer if that meant he could get back to his job.  
  
"Yes, your kidneys aren't back to normal, but that shouldn't keep you from doing your job. You just need to be more careful. You shouldn't-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I remember the drill. Can we just-" He gestured toward Gibbs. "You know, skip it?" He'd turned a darker shade of red; he didn't need his boss there when he was being told 'not to hold his pee.'  
  
Gibbs hid his smirk; there weren't many people who'd seen Tony looking truly embarrassed.  
  
Cohen stifled a laugh and nodded. "OK, you know the drill then. When you're finally off your meds, you can go back to field duty, but please, try not to get hit in the back and around your kidneys. OK?"  
  
"My job is not that dangerous. It's not like I'm getting hit every day." Tony protested.  
  
"Just making sure you know how vulnerable your kidneys are."  
  
"How much longer should he be on his meds?" Asked Gibbs.  
  
"Another week, maybe 10 days. In the meantime he can return to desk duty. Although, It'll be better if you don't keep him at work 24/7, the first few days." Morris answered.  
  
"Here we go." Alec murmured.  
  
Gibbs just glared at Morris and remained silent.  
  
"So, I'm free?"  
  
"Well, you should have another checkup next week before getting a clean bill of health, but it's just a routine one; so yes. You're free, I guess." Morris smiled. He was fond of Tony and he'd actually miss him.  
  
"I think I love you, Jack." Tony grinned. "Thanks. Well, thanks to all of you." He smiled.  
  
They exchanged their goodbyes and Tony and Gibbs finally left the hospital.  
  
"I so can't wait to get back to work." He sighed with relief.  
  
"Not so fast. You are not gonna push it."  
  
"But I'm fine."  
  
"What? You're gonna turn down the job offer from that university?"  
  
"I've already turned it down. Twice."  
  
"What were you going to do, then?"  
  
"I haven't decided, yet. I thought about leaving DC and seeing what would come up."  
  
Gibbs turned to him and frowned. "Yeah, and I would've let you do that. You're lucky you got your clean bill of health." He growled.  
  
Tony smiled. "I'm not gonna die, anymore. You can go back to your -"  
  
"Bastard self?"  
  
"I was about to say your grumpy self, but well..." He grinned cheekily.  
  
Gibbs reached out to slap him but Tony dodged.  
  
"Did you just dodge?" He narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I wanna come back to work, Gibbs. I don't need to be hospitalized for being brain damaged. You've been giving me way too many headslaps lately."  
  
"You've asked for them."  
  
"Whatever, can I have my phone back, please?"  
  
"Oh." That was Gibbs' answer as he stopped in his track. "You will be the one to tell the others. I've had enough of them the past few months."  
  
Tony gulped. "That's almost scary."  
  
"That's annoying."  
  
"And scary."  
  
"Just annoying. Have you fixed your problem with Ziva and Tim?" He asked suddenly.  
  
"Umm, yes, kinda. It's been a month. I'm not sure they'll change so fast, but at lease we've talked. Better than nothing, huh?"  
  
Gibbs got in the car. "They'll learn."  
  
"I hope it's before I get retired or killed." He sighed. "Awww, seriously, Boss." He rubbed the back of his head where Gibbs had slapped him again.  
  
"I don't think you can ever learn." Gibbs shook his head and smirked. At least, Tony was calling him Boss again.  
  
He really doubted Tony would learn many things. Talking about his life like it didn't matter was just one of them.  
  
The younger man still needed to learn that he wasn't alone and it was Okay to open up and let the others see his pain every now and then.  
  
He needed to learn that he didn't need to prove himself constantly and there was no need to hide his feelings behind a smile all the time.  
  
He needed to learn that his feelings mattered just as much as the others'.  
  
Not that Gibbs could blame Tony for being the way he was; the ex-cop had been hurt and betrayed way too many times. And he wasn't the only one who still needed to learn.  
  
Gibbs knew that he'd a lot to learn, himself. For one thing, he needed to learn not to take his most loyal agent and friend for granted. He needed to learn that he shouldn't rely on Tony's gentle and forgiving nature too much. He needed to learn...  
  
He needed to learn that the next time he might not get another chance.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
 **-The End-**


End file.
